“I need resources”

For crying out loud, I have two draft book reviews sitting while the world burns and I will get them out next week, but right now I have a thing to say. Apparently, from the ferocity with which everyone is posting everything right now, so does everyone else. While everyone else is suddenly an expert in geopolitics and religion and ethics– I’m sticking to what, to be quite clear, I arrogantly believe I’m an expert in: books for kids.

For Jews right now, times are scarier than they’ve ever been in my lifetime, and let’s also be candid and acknowledge that for a wide variety of other people times are scary and bewildering, too; but those are not my worlds and while each of you who is scared and bewildered has my sympathy, I’m not speaking to what I don’t know.

Now, when times are scary, the instinct for many parents is to look for resources. Frequently, those resources are external. Why? We so often need something to “start the conversation” or “help show something I’m not expert about.” Today, doing French storytime at my wonderful library, I asked one of the excellent children’s librarians (and the Brookline Public Library has a stellar team) whether they’d had parents checking in about the situation in Israel and Gaza. “Parents are definitely looking for books on Israel. Do you have thoughts?” Well, honestly, I’m not sure she was asking that last question I jumped in so fast. “There’s only one book they need, and it’s not about Israel,” I told her, “it’s The Woman Who Turned Children into Birds.“

And I’m going to tell you what I told her and what I’ve told others:

Books for children on Israel, Palestine, anything supposedly relevant to this situation which is not so much “complicated” as people are delicately saying, but impassioned, ugly, bitter, scary, heroic, and an intensely messy morass of overwhelming feelings, are utterly irrelevant to what’s going on. You will not find the information you need in books for children, because, first of all, the information does not exist, and, second, the conversation you want to open with them is about the messy morass of overwhelming feelings, not about the geopolitics.

Let me unpack that. The information doesn’t exist because what adults want is someone to sort out “the situation” so it can be simple on the page. Ibrahim X. Kendi could write The Antiracist Baby because, honestly, that’s a pretty simple concept: there’s systemic racism in the world and it’s not enough to acknowledge that passively, we must actively combat it. All of that is in that board book. (I do not love it as a board book, too many words, but it doesn’t avoid a single thing and it’s pitched right for a child older than board book age.) Books on Israel and Palestine avoid a huge amount. Please look at my review of Homeland, probably the most recent picture book relating to the region from a mainstream publisher, and you will see that even back then I was saying the same thing: I was looking for more openess, and, I presume, the author felt a good deal more than she wrote down. Now, the situation in Gaza is not simple, and if you think it is, you’re wrong– and with that statement I offended at least one reader who passionately supports the people of Gaza and one reader who passionately supports the Israelis, right now, before I got to the period of the sentence. Bam, I proved my point. You can’t write a picture book while you are trying to avoid that truth. I italicize that because I think it is absolutely possible to write that picture book, but first you have to admit that you have to accept the morass of feelings involved. To be blunt, publishing today will not risk that. (Dear publishers: prove me wrong, I beg you.)

To my second point, the conversation you need to open is about the messy morass of overwhelming feelings, not about the geopolitics. Why? That’s the part we parents don’t want to deal with, and where we need the support! If we were ok with that, we could totally handle sharing the geopolitical scenario with no problem. We’re overwhelmed with feelings, we’ve been crying in the shower so they won’t hear us! Well, with my earnest sympathy because I, too, have cried in the shower so I wouldn’t be heard, stop that. Kids know something scary is going on and will be imbibing your fear and anxiety but not the tools to cope with those feelings; help them get the tools by facing the fear.

I recommended, above, The Woman Who Turned Children Into Birds by David Almond and Laura Carlin for good reason. When Nanty Solo comes to town, the adults are terrified of this strange woman who turns children into birds. The children are warned away and they want her to leave. The children, however, long to fly and, strange to tell, prohibitions don’t work– they go to her anyway. The adults are horrified and Nanty Solo says, “But what on earth are you frightened of?” (Orthodox Jews don’t get tattoos, but if I ever had one, it would be of those words.) Ultimately, the adults do join the children, and oh they all have the glorious freedom of the sky.

Isn’t that it? All of it, all in one glorious experience of reading with a child on your lap and beautiful art to match? And, snuggled together, you can whisper that you’ve been afraid, that you have friends you fear for, family you love, and you wish they could fly.

I promise you, after that, I believe that you know what your kids are ready to hear about the geopolitics, and I trust you to share that. I will, of course, disagree with you on some points. The situation in Gaza, after all, is not simple or it would have been resolved long ago.

The good thing about this is that any book that is honest, emotionally honest, will help you. Are you angry? Where the Wild Things Are is all anger and heart and the raw passion of gnashing teeth and rolling eyes. Are you feeling either that you wish you could open your home and your heart to everyone in pain (The Mouse Who Carried His House on His Back) or thinking more about the instability of homes in the world at all (The Shelter)? Or maybe you’re finding that you’re feeling really out of place wherever you are, you’re trapped in a wrong place and words are all wrong– you feel… I Talk Like a River. (And, by the way, if you’re thinking, “No! I can’t do that! Or I do feel no I don’t but I can’t–!” then read these to yourself first and maybe think about seeking help for you right now.)

And do you know what else is good? These books will help with everything else, too. The situation in this world, humans with other humans, is not simple, or else we’d have been living in harmony long ago. I trust you to share this with your kids. But don’t look for single-serving books about a thing; look to share the honest, raw beating heart inside, and only extraordinary, pulsing books can help you there.